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Literature Text
This year I want to be beautiful;
Define beauty as strength,
And that is all I want.
I want to be beautiful enough
To stop holding back the tears
And to rise above the crises.
I want to be beautiful enough
To speak what is on my mind
And to fix reasons for thought.
I want to be beautiful enough
To survive my very own mind
And to make it to next year.
I want to be beautiful enough
To share this poem I'm writing
And to never stop sharing.
This year I want to be strong;
Define strength as beauty,
And that is all I want.
Define beauty as strength,
And that is all I want.
I want to be beautiful enough
To stop holding back the tears
And to rise above the crises.
I want to be beautiful enough
To speak what is on my mind
And to fix reasons for thought.
I want to be beautiful enough
To survive my very own mind
And to make it to next year.
I want to be beautiful enough
To share this poem I'm writing
And to never stop sharing.
This year I want to be strong;
Define strength as beauty,
And that is all I want.
Literature
Adios
Son las seis de la mañana y el aire comienza a enfriar los cuerpos que se encuentran en el andén; apenas es verano pero el frío no perdona a los foráneos. Vapor sale de las ventanas que se encuentran junto al viejo reloj que hace mucho dejó de emitir el tic tac que anunciaba el próximo llegar de los convoyes. El concreto del edificio hace que las plataformas luzcan más frías y lúgubres de lo que deberían. Gris y noche hasta donde alcanza la vista. Los olores de la tierra empapada por la lluvia aún cuelgan en el aire esperando quien los acoja.
Las máquinas estáticas que esperan
Literature
La caja (algun dia)
Tirada en el patio esta la caja, sin etiquetas ni marcas, una simple caja. Todos pasan, pero nadie mueve a la caja, estática e inerte percibe los pasos, esos pequeños murmullos que la hacen recordar que no está sola y aun así el abismo continua.
En todos sus años de caja esta ha estado cerrada, pues ningún hombre ha decidido hacerse cargo de la solitaria caja, la cual carga con su contenido en el exterior; una caja inversa quizás será.
No tendremos remedio que contar que esa caja olvidada por todos más presente no podría estar, es el ombligo del mundo. Tras de ella se esconde la línea qu
Literature
Escrtito #2 que te dedico.
Ya mi mente envenenada con tu persona ni siquiera puede recordar la razón del por qué estos sentimientos tan destructivos que siento por ti. Ni siquiera sé si tienen sentido mis palabras, cuando hablo de ti me siento como una loca enjaula. Mi locura es el amor que me provocas y mi jaula el deseo que no sacio. Me siento como una estúpida porque me tienes a tus pies y lo sabes, lo sabes porque mi actitud incontrolable te lo demostró. Hay algo que si recuerdo, aquel primer día de clases, aquel sol de 8am que encendía tu pelo color caramelo, aquella mirada profunda atrapada en el vidrio de tus lentes, las vuelta
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Comments10
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Overall
Vision
Originality Technique ImpactI think this is SOOOOOOOO much better than the other piece I critiqued. You have escaped the superficial concerns of many (most) girls your age when you define beauty the way you did here. The line that struck me most was:
To survive my very own mind
It struck a chord that resonated with my own life experiences. That is what most writers strive to do. Given that you have defined beauty in multiple ways, there is likely at least one thought that almost any reader can identify with. Maybe not agree with, but if it gets them thinking, then you have succeeded.
I also liked the way you took the first stanza and turned it around for the last one. I wasn't as sold on the use of "and" at the start of the third line of these two stanzas. I can see your patter withing the body of the poem, but since the first and last stanzas are somewhat separate from the rest (being related to each other as described above), you can reinforce the bookend character of these stanzas by just having the line read "That is all I want" or "That is all that I want", which keeps the original rhythm. Another alternative is to eliminate the "and" for just the 3rd line of the first stanza, as it serves as the introduction to the rest of the poem.
Just a couple of questions.
And to rise above the (singular) crisis - is there truly one one that you need to rise above? "And to rise above the crises" works, and gives the reader the idea that your wished for strength would be sufficient to rise above multiple crises. Even more beautiful, yes?
And to fix the the (Please review to eliminate the typos) reasons - I would think that I would not be the only reader to question what this really means. Reasons for what? The reasons you don't speak your mind? If that is the case, then a line such as "And to cure the silence" makes that point just as well, don't you think?
One last thing. I find that my poetry is better when I read it aloud. This gives an appreciation of the rhythm of the words, and may lead you to change words to get the syllables to flow in a better way. Even for blank verse.