literature

A Piece of Writing It Out

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Literature Text

What am I expected to say
When you give me that look
That tells me you know what I'm thinking,
But you don't believe -
And with your stare,
You beg me to say it.

But admit that I love you,
And admit that I care enough
To tell you that you need to listen
To one of the very lessons you teach me?


It's okay to care.
About yourself.
We are human,
We probably won't manage,
But if it means
That you're life will be
Just a bit happier -
So be it.


But all I'll do, is return the stare
That says what? as if I don't understand,
And I'll continue playing stupid
Because that's all you see me as anyways...
Mother got fired this morning for stupid shit. She's a nurse with back problems after working in the E.R. for too long. So, she does things like take a chair with her to each room, and the hospital didn't like that and told her to stop. She would bring water into the rooms, and take a couple minute breaks, and the hospital got pissy. This morning they fired her for "allowing a CNA to administer teylenol to a patient". I'm glad she's no longer working there, but she knew they were trying to fire her and she should have just quit when she had the chance.
Now, the poem. She told us all this and she looked up at me, and she knew what I was thinking, I could tell from the way she looked at me. As if she was begging me to tell her that it was okay and that she didn't have to take this new job that would require her to live in a hotel an hour away Monday through Friday.
I kept my mouth shut and gave her this sorry look. She never listens to me anyway. She gave her reason for doing it, to support us, and I almost yelled at her to stop acting like we can't do anything for ourselves and like that's the only reason she stays around: to support us.
...Well. The door to the biggest problem in this mother-daughter relationship just got kicked in and tossed aside and left to be irreparable. I'm going to go construct a new door now, and in the meantime debate whether or not I should put it up and lock it and keep it that way forever...

Update: Comments allowed again - I can face talking on the subject, now.
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